he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
