Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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