I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
