I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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