even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
