I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
