just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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