you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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