I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
