he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
