whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
