well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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