Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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