I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
