just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
