My liver just broke up with me...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
