K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So. Much. Porn.
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