If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
