i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
