I love how my cats smell like pot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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