Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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