Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
