Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
