break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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