So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
