ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
