Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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