I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
