I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
