The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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