Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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