i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
