i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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