the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
