I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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