I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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