Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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