woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
