just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize