At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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