Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
