he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
