Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
