Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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