Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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