took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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