i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dicks are not precious.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
