I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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