his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
