foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
