So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
only if we run a train.
done.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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