I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sobbing to NWA
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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