hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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