i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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