Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
