I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
