it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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