i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
