there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
