you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
