How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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